The Brief: “The Beekeeper” Seems to Be the Most Jason Statham-Friendly Film Possible

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE – Need to see him punch a bee


One of the many things I appreciate about Jason Statham is how many of his movies tell you exactly what his character is doing right in the title. So, like, in The Transporter he is transporting. In Spy, he plays a spy. And in The Mechanic, he’s an assassin, which is apparently what some assassins call their work. (I also appreciate that I learn exciting new things like this from his movies.) And I am pleased to announce that this trend will continue with his next movie, The Beekeeper, from Suicide Squad director David Ayer.

There’s a new trailer for the movie out this week, and I swear I am going to post it here in a second, but first, look at some of these descriptions of this movie the various trade publications have used since it was first announced a year or two ago.

Statham stars as a former operative of a powerful and clandestine organization known as “Beekeepers.” He single-handedly takes on a sinister organization that wronged a friend in a series of violent encounters that end up having national stakes.

God yes.

The film will chart the story of how one man’s brutal campaign for vengeance takes on national stakes after he is revealed to be a former operative of a powerful and clandestine organization known as the ‘Beekeepers’.

Straight into my veins, please.

The Bee Keeper is a lightning-paced thriller deeply steeped in the mythology of Bee Keeping.

DEEPLY STEEPED IN THE MYTHOLOGY OF BEE-KEEPING

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

ACTUALLY, I DON’T CARE

JUST GIVE IT TO ME

This was already my favorite movie ever made before I saw a single second of the actual action. But yes, I will post the trailer now, and yes, it does nothing to dissuade me from that bold statement.

Okay, here’s what we have going on in this trailer, as far as I can tell. Jason Statham plays a literal and figurative beekeeper — like, he keeps bees, but he’s also a member of a secretive society known as Beekeepers who step in where laws fall short — who goes on the warpath after a woman who cares for him very much (played by Phylicia Rashad!!!) commits suicide after getting scammed out of her life savings by a shady criminal organization led by Jeremy Irons. You should see how excited I am after typing that out. I’m practically floating.

It gets better. The trailer is littered with scenes where Statham beats up 8-10 people at once and some of the best dialogue you will ever see. In addition to classics like “You’re telling me one man did this?” and “We have to kill him before he kills his way to the top,” which is maybe the most Jason Statham Movie Quote ever committed to film, we also have all of these. Words alone can’t do them justice. I made screencaps.

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